He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
