If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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