im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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