Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
