You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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