So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
