Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize