Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
vagina is talking i cant
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
