i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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