well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
not ubering you a puppy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
