That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize