i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
