I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
