we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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