Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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