No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
