New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
