apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want her autograph on my taint
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
