My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
