Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
