sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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