Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
