Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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