Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
