We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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