saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize