We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
