I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
