apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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