there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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