Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
