and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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