paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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