If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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