I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
