3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
