I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
