Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
