oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize