Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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