Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize