Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
