There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
