Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
