I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
