I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
