Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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