Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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