She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
