I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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