Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
