I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize