is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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