Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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