Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
