Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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