I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
