Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize