I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
