I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
