You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
