He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
