just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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