Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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