I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
