Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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