well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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