so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
