I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
