You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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