so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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