This is not my ceiling
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
