I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
