from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
