You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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