my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize