guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
