What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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