Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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