I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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