i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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