dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
