Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
