Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize