so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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