i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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