if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
