no, he came in my armpit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize