No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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