I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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