whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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