You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
where am i from again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
