I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
