he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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