If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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