And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
