So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
