god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
