My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
