dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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