You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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