On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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