evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
