ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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