It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
