I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The uberlube is also flammable
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
