The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
