I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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