I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
