I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
