i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk is not a location!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
