whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't make out with my wife yet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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