The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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