I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
