therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
